As I drop my kids off at daycare I'm met with the lower lip quiver and tears. This turns into pure, unadulterated guilt and I turn around and dash towards the car, hoping and praying that what the daycare lady tells me is true that in 5 minutes he'll be fine. I tell myself daycare is good for them and some days I actually believe it because they return to me happy, well-fed and slightly coated in something that I can never really remove from their clothes.
This is how things go right? This is the norm now, mommy has a career and so does daddy. There's things to plan for, retirement, college tuition, car insurance for single white males under the age of 25. I go through my day working on things that at the end of the year when I write my review don't seem to have the same glossy shine of importance that they did when I did them. Maybe tomorrow will be better. The kids will get older and they'll understand more. Parents just need some "me" time. Work is good for the soul.
My mom taught me to embrace education and to never have to depend on any man for financial freedom. I was raised to believe the most true path is one of hard work through labor. Study study study so you can go out and do something productive and interesting because the world is a great place when you're an adult! Now that I'm an adult I find myself feeling a little cheated by my upbringing. The world is not an awesome place as an adult. Sure I can eat chocolate cake for breakfast and stay up as late as I want but I end up sick by lunchtime and tired as hell sucking down way too much coffee for my well being. If the world is so interesting why is it most people don't vote or even read the news? Because like me, most people are just going through their day making decisions to not make decisions.
Part of me doesn't care. This is the kinetic energy part of the equation. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and things will be ok. I'll keep going to work and earning money and only seeing my kids for 3 hours during the week days. Then on weekends I'll try and catch up on laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. only to go to work on Monday tired and not wanting to be there.
Since;
KE=1/2(mv)^2
you see that my kinetic energy is dependent on my mass and velocity. Do you know how much weight the average female gains by having kids? Too much. Not to mention all the new emotional baggage. Velocity is how fast I'm going. The speed of mom is arguably faster than the speed of light.
But part of me does care. This is the potential energy part of the equation. What could my life be like if I stopped trying to make everyone else happy and just did what felt right?
Since;
PE=mgh
you see that my potential energy is dependent on different factors than kinetic energy. M is for mass which again has increased due to kid output. G is globally considered to be gravitational acceleration. Essentially G is the constant "attractivity" one has between itself and this lofty dream. The common units for G are that of acceleration. This is appropriate because usually dreams make you fall flat on your face as if you've hit the pavement pretty hard. H is the distance required to get there.
On a normal day KE=PE. Those are days where my velocity might be a little slow, the dream is just too far away (making g marginal) or the dream doesn't seem so far away...after all, I can quit my job if I want to right? However most days it seems I'm not not reaching my potential. H is just too big, the dream looks too attractive and I'm running out of excuses...and yet I do nothing anyway. Which makes me think the real equation is:
Total Energy = KE + PE + indecision
Indecision is essentially a fudge factor and indecision is always, ALWAYS greater than KE + PE. It's my theory that indecision has some sort of exponential component to it, as the more energy I put into my life, the larger the indecision becomes.
So see, the physics is really stacked against us all. I'm going to go make coffee now and see if there's any leftover chocolate cake in the fridge.
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